my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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