just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
