Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
