A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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