nut hugger
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
