Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
