You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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