Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
