I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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