At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
