hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize