maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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