They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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