my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
