sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
