i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
