There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
