fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
