coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I came so hard my ears popped.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
