A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
