yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize