well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize