ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
