I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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