He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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