I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
