like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
tell me about the fingering
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