Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
