Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
