I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
