We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
