I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
