his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
