Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh god it's open bar.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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