I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
