dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
