id be glad to
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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