Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
