How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
