You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
