They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
