Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
