I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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