The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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