I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is Oprah even human
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
