oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
