I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
