So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize