omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
