cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
