I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
