I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
