I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
