just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
