There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
