i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
