I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
