so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
