dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
