Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just googled if crying burns calories
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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