Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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