How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
