Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
