dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
